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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26440966">SEVENTEEN DOES TOP GEAR: THE WINTER OLYMPICS</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain'>WhenIFindLoveAgain</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN DOES TOP GEAR [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN (Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>British, British Character, British Comedy, British English, British Politics, British Slang, Cars, Chaos, Classic Cars, Disasters, F/M, Fast Cars, Funny, Happy, Hilarious, Humor, M/M, Old Top Gear</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 05:08:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,704</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26440966</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhenIFindLoveAgain/pseuds/WhenIFindLoveAgain</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In Feburary 2006 the world's top sport's athlete's head to Turin to take part in the Winter Olympics. Meanwhile, Seungcheol, Jeonghan, Joshua, and The Stig went the wrong way and ended up in Norway where they then decided to host their own Top Gear Winter Olympics. The resulting programme becomes a television classic, or, will do in a while. Read the unfortgettable Top Gear Olympic events, including: men in condoms slithering about, the brand new Jaguar, the stig risking his wedding tackle in Lillihammer, letting rip with machine guns in the Audi Q7 and the Volvo XC90, plus many, many more</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Choi Seungcheol | S.Coups/Yoon Jeonghan, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Yoon Jeonghan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>SEVENTEEN DOES TOP GEAR [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1922002</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Biathlon</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Goldenglare29/gifts">Goldenglare29</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>For the very dear GoldenGlare29, here thouest be the most spectacular masterpiece ever created, sincerely for you. You and your opinions of my work make my life and my efforts, genuinely they do. You make me a very happy little woman - and I am little, Christ, I couldn't see into the mirror in the optometrists the other day and the reception just about pissed themselves laughing - and I am very glad you are around. I hope you enjoy this and that I've done right by you. Sincerely, this little woman<br/>(If you'd ever like a chat, pop over to Instagram and look up @theartoftootimingyou)</p><p>Seungcheol is Jeremy<br/>Jeonghan is James<br/>Joshua is Richard</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Seungcheol walked down one of Turin's beaches, women fat and thin, ugly and pretty in a multitude of different cuts and colours of bathing suits and all the men managing just to looked the same in either speedos or trunks sunbathing on the beach, playing with their children, paddling on wave-boards, swimming in the ocean, scoffing ice cream and wine, or, just generally larking about in the water.<br/>
Seungcheol looked directly to the camera and tried not to laugh about the Stig agreeing to go for a swim with Joshua on the condition he can keep his helmet on.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, come on, Stiggy, take the helmet off once, we aren't repulsed by your mutilated, inbred features." Joshua had pleaded kindly and gently to the Stig in the sitting room of Joshua's house in Devon. Actually, for the beginning of the program they were supposed to be showing the beaches of Turin, but, instead of asking a film crew at one of the networks in Italy to get some shots and then have to pay a couple of grand, Joshua said every Friday all the people from the nearby came down to the beach down the cliffs from his house. Joshua had opined that they looked woggy enough, so, just grab some shots there and say it's Italy. Italy, Devon, a beach is a beach. Jeonghan and Seungcheol and some of the camera crew also staying at Joshua's house had nearly pissed themselves laughing at the sight of Stig sitting on the couch in the sitting room, crossing his arms and shaking his head.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol begun the opening narration, all to be fiddled with an edited back in London. "So, the winter olympics are being held in Italy, which, when you look at the place, seems to be a bit too warm."</p><p> </p><p>"CUT!" The head cameraman, Mark, yelled. They all laughed. That was the only bit they had to do in England before they got into their flights later that evening for Norway. </p><p> </p><p>"Right, let's go to the pub." Seungcheol soon resolved.</p><p> </p><p>"It's only half-ten." The head of wardrobe and Mark's wife, Katryna, remarked.</p><p> </p><p>"Who gives a -" Seungcheol was halfway through telling her with a grin on his face but was cut off as she aimed to kick him in the nads.</p><p> </p><p>"Ooh, you bad girl." He flicked her the v's, and, they all trooped back to Joshua's Range Rover that they had borrowed and then went back to his crumbling Georgian sandstone house up on the cliffs.</p><p> </p><p>"...That's why we're in Norway, a proper Winter country." Seungcheol continued the narration the next day, standing at the top of a snow-covered hill surrounded by pine trees that belonged to a local dairy farmer. There were no cows in sight, but, a rusting larder beneath a frozen tarp half-buried somewhere about half a mile down the hill-side field. All morning the camera-men, not bothered by jet lag, had been taking nature shots with absolute glee. Give it a couple of days, Seungcheol thought. You'll soon fucking hate the snow. You're all from Leeds, Birmingham, Manchester, Cardiff and - well, the Welsh ones won't. If it snows they practically shit themselves with delight, say it's like being back home in Snowdonia. "And we've got some proper winter sports lined up for you. So, then, welcome to the Top Gear Winter Olympics!" Seungcheol proudly told the camera in front of him. Just by memory, the Top Gear theme played in Seungcheol's head. "It's the Winter Olympics - speeded up a bit."</p><p> </p><p>Afterwards, even more nature shots were taken and one of the lighting crew risked frostbite to his gentleman's sausage by taking a leak on the base of a frozen and icicle-covered Spruce, they went back to the massive hotel they were staying at, a gigantic version of what was essentially a timber-log cabin.</p><p> </p><p>"Where's the Christian motorist?" Seungcheol asked a member of hotel staff as he and his army of BBC employees entered back into their lodgings.</p><p> </p><p>The Norweigian woman giggled, blushing. "Captain Slow is in the coffee lounge with the short arse - who, actually isn't so short - Joshua Hong and they are waiting for you to have come back."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, cheers." Seungcheol grinned. As he walked off to the coffee lounge which boasted triple-glazed floor to ceiling windows over-looking the moutnains, he was a touch offended by that hotel woman. She'd just implied that Seungcheol himself was fibbing about the hamster's height; actually isn't so short? Pig's arse! The man was practically -</p><p> </p><p>"Froze your balls off, yet?" Joshua and Jeonghan asked as Seungcheol entered the hotel's coffee lounge, indeed, a bit of snow still freshly frozen to his black woolen hat. Jeonghan had his long silvery-grey hair with his dark roots in a loose 90's style bun on the back of his head in a light-oyster tone and very thick turtleneck jumper and his bootleg jeans with wooly socks, no shoes. Despite his jumper, Seungcheol knew that beneath Jeonghan's jumper was one of his ludicrous shirts that was comparable to both a child's duvet-cover or a woman's fabric choice for cutesy dresses back in the 1930s. Joshua looked just as he always did, slightly messy dark hair, navy long-sleeved shirt, jeans, boots, black workman's jacket. Yeah, pops of colour didn't really go with Joshua or his wardrobe, but, one had to remember he was raised in Birmingham and that he also had the habits of not eating anything unless it came out of a burger-van in a supermarket car park, voting for the Labour Party, the opinion that all women were beautiful except Catholic women, and, that even though his very secret cardigans that only Seungcheol knew about were disintergrating, no, absolutely not, he did not have to go and buy new ones. Though disintergrating, they still had ten years of wear in them.</p><p> </p><p>Or, more like ten seconds.</p><p> </p><p>"Come on, Mrs. Yoon, we've got guns and Nazi-mobiles to fuck around in." Seungcheol jutted a thumb over his shoulder, talking to Jeonghan and using one of the long-haired man's many nicknames. "Have you got an extra pair of tights on for warmth?" He checked. Joshua laughed. Jeonghan gave him the bird.</p><p> </p><p>"Are you sure your butt-plugs not going to give you trouble on the uneven terrain of rural Norway?" Jeonghan came back rather well. </p><p> </p><p>"Aw." Joshua chuckled at how Seungcheol visibly deflated at Jeonghan's reply.</p><p> </p><p>"I hate it when he does that." Seungcheol suddenly grumbled. Jeonghan beamed. He'd just manage to shut up the man that never shuts up talking.</p><p> </p><p>"Come on, we've got a schedule, hurry up putting on your winter edition Jimmy Choos." Seungcheol pointed to his watch, putting the watch-face so close to Jeonghan's own face that Jeonghan's nose smudged up against the glass. Joshua watched on as Seungcheol then accused of Jeonghan carrying the black plauge and seeing as he had just got snot on his watch - well, the sentence was never finished because Seungcheol cleaned his immaculate and unblemished watch on the front of Jeonghan's jumper. </p><p> </p><p>"Oy, fellas." Joshua said. "Schedule, remember?"</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan went to grab his coat and shoes, and, when he came down into the hotel lobby, Joshua having followed Seungcheol and chatting to him all the while, Joshua's Labour-trueblood and distinctly brummy mouth dropped open. One could hardly believe such a pretty man who wasn't gay had come out of the Bronx.</p><p> </p><p>"What the fuckin' fuck is that bloke wearin'?" Joshua said of Jeonghan. No, it wasn't his boots - they were very sensible boots - no, not his coat - his coat looked like it came from a farm in North Yorkshire, so, yes, that was very good - it was his hat. It looked like someone had shot a couple of rabbits and sewn it together so Jeonghan had a upside-down cake tin on his head with fluffy ear muffy things on the side.</p><p>"Norway's home to a lot of Nazi's." Joshua looked at Seungcheol. "If they see that they'll kill 'im!"</p><p> </p><p>"Only one thing for it," Seungcheol devised a plan, but, Joshua had already copped onto it.</p><p> </p><p>"Pretend we don't know the wank." Both Seungcheol and Joshua said together.</p><p> </p><p>Half an hour later, they were in business for filming the first part officially of Top Gear: The Winter Olympics.</p><p>-</p><p>"Right." Jeonghan progressed in meditated steps up a section of the snow-covered fill which was their allocated track for their car race, still wearing his rabbit-like hat even though Seungcheol had made several attempts to kill it, even though it wasn't technically alive. At one point he had seized the hat and stomped on it, and, said to Jeonghan that if footage of him wearing that hat made it to internal television and Top Gear history, Seungcheol himself was going to take a wee on that hat and set it on fire. Jeonghan still wore the hat. "We'll begin with the biathlon. Now, normally, this is a combination of skiing and shooting, but, since this is Top Gear, we'll be driving and shooting."</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan clasped his hands together. "Let's start by meeting the contestants."</p><p> </p><p>Suddenly, in the brilliant Norway mid-afternoon Winter sunlight which was technically a form of sunrise for them showed a gleaming dark-oyster toned four-wheel-drive with sharp headlights and the unmistakeable symbol of four interlocked circles on the grill. "I shall be using this." Jeonghan said. "The new Audi Q7. It's Audi's first attempt to make a school run 4x4."</p><p> </p><p>As Jeonghan climbed into the car and went to start the ignition, his insides sank.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, cock." He said as the engine turned over, refusing to start. No one on the Top Gear crew didn't not know that that sound was caused by a dead battery. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan wondered if a Toyota Hiace van could jump-start a Nazi with all-terrain tyres and a double fuel tank.</p><p> </p><p>But, it seems it could. "Well, Toyota and Audi are bound to be matey," Jeonghan commented to the Director as he checked everything was alright to start filming again. Even though their Director directed their show, he knew fuck-all mechnically about the creations he filmed six months a year. "They did have quite a happy affair back in the Autumn of 1942..."</p><p>They got back to driving and the dash-cam on the passenger side of the Audi Q7 was turned on as Jeonghan put his foot down onto the accelerator and made his way out onto the open road. </p><p> </p><p>"You see, the Q7 is loosely based on the Porsche Cayenne," Jeonghan explained. "But with all the really hard-core, off-road stuff taken out. So, it's like having your big snow boots on except their made by that Jimmy Choo's bloke." Jeonghan accidentally pronounced the designer's name the wrong way and didn't even notice. "It's a full three inches longer than a Land Rover Discovery -" Jeonghan internally thought that anyone who bought a German 4x4 over the legendary Welsh 4x4 - even if Landrover was Welsh - was a maniac. "- and it's a full 3% uglier than a troll. But, there are some good things about it." As Jeonghan narrated the program for the camera, he didn't notice he had sped up three mile an hour on his speedometer, which, in Norway, resulted in a £90 fine if caught by the rozzers or a hiden government camera. "It has a very, very good V6 3-litre diesel engine, and excellent gearbox, and, most importantly, it has seven seats. And the price for this, the 3-litre diesel SE?" Jeonghan remarked. "Just under £40,000."</p><p> </p><p>Without a breath of hesitation, it moved onto Seungcheol now stuck again in that field where one of the camera-man swore that the piss of the other who had had a leak earlier was now frozen yellow to the trunk of the icicle-cover Spruce he had "watered". Seungcheol had changed his appearance slightly, out of been cold, had put on the Afgan style fringed scarf Joshua had mindlessly bought him for Yuletide; Seungcheol hadn't believed it when Joshua had came into the office at the BBC on the 21st of December and had told him that it was for him. Seungcheol couldn't imagine Joshua going into the sort of shop that sold Afgan scarves let alone willingly parting with his money for one.</p><p>"Very good." Seungcheol remarked drily. "The second sort of semi off-roader for families. But what's the point of being second? That's like driving around in Buzz Aldrin? I'd much rather have -" The sight of the new black Volvo XC90 came into view, glimpsing shots of tail and nose, all the curves first. "- Niel Armstrong. So, here he is, the car I'll be using as I compete for Olympic gold. It's the Volvo XC90."</p><p>Seungcheol promptly got into the Volvo, and, also took it out for a spin after saluting one of the sound technicians who had dropped a fart so loud it echoed throughout the mountains of rural Scandinavia and beyond, utterly disgusting the female members of the BBC staff and bringing great hilarity to everyone else, ahem, who didn't have breasts. "This was the first seven-seat 4x4 designed by someone who had children, not just by an egineer who read about them in a book. It's a brilliant car, it really is." Seungcheol looked around the bi-colour interior of the Volvo - cream and black - affectionately. What he wasn't remarking was how both his Mum and sister-in-law had these cars - upon his advice. His Mum's was dark red and his brother and sister-in-law's was black, identical to the one he was driving in all the snow. "It's not mumsy, it's not gittish..." Seungcheol described the vehicle. "It's like the family pet. It's like having a faithful old labrador." Seungcheol eventually summed up what he thought was a fairly neat description of the motor-car's aesthetic. "And there's more. It's got a smooth, new diesel engine, it's more spacious than the Audi and it's £4,000 cheaper."</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan and Seungcheol joined up on a single main road, both going north and Seungcheol on the wrong side of the road just to keep in the right direction with Jeonghan in his Nazi-mobile. </p><p> </p><p>"So, which is best?" Seungcheol considered. "The Labrador or Buzz Aldrin? Well, that's what we're going to find out in our biathlon."</p><p> </p><p>Within another five minutes from the roads they were driving on for the filming, Seungcheol and Jeonghan arrived at their allocated biathlon course in the middle of the forest edging onto that bloody dairy farm with a railway on stilts overhead. Seungcheol had been told off by the Director how yelling at Jeonghan in the middle of filming: "You think you're that hot in that bloody hat? Lets drag your balls!"</p><p> </p><p>Apparenly both Audi and Volvo would do their nuts to think that their cars got wrecked in a drag-race by two Poms with monolids over a rabbit-skin hat.</p><p> </p><p>"The rules are very simple." Jeonghan explained, perched up on some crates by the shooting range with a sport-issued shooting rifle with telescopic sights at twenty rounds of ammunition loaded with stabilisers. Seungcheol stood beside him, and, Jeonghan wondered whether to push the boat by commenting about the "gay" scarf that Joshua had given him for Christmas but decided to leave it. One had to remember that Joshua's ears would then hear this and he was the son of a Dock worker from Birmingham; i.e. he got really fucking foul-tempered very, very quickly.  "You drive three kilometers around the course, stop, shoot at five targets, and there's a five second time penalty for every target you miss."</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan looked to Seungcheol who didn't seem very interested in the penalty rule; probably think you won't miss out at all you wanker, Jeonghan thought of his colleague and slightly dickhead mate. Slightly? Totally dickhead mate. "Yeah, then we go another three kilometers around a second course," Seungcheol explained. "Then we come back here, shoot at the targets again, this time lying down in the backs of our cars, then it's a sprint to the finish."</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan nodded. Yes, so you can't fuck it up now, he thought of Seungcheol.</p><p> </p><p>"The winter - that'll be me - get's gold -" Seungcheol said. Jeonghan raised his eyebrows at the camerman. Oh, yeah, Godless creature, Jeonghan said silently to Seungcheol's reflection in the visor of the camera. "And the loser gets to eat some golden snow." Seungcheol pointed cheerfully with both hands at Jeonghan and Jeonghan shook his head.</p><p> </p><p>Ten minutes of fiddling around with the suspension and traction control - soleley made for mentally ill hipsters who were shite drivers - on the cars went by. Not many people realized but when the Top Gear crew "tampered with the traction" it wasn't just the controls in the car they changed; they disconnected it entirely in the engine so the modern car became the raw machine it was once before the human race decided to check that their creations wouldn't actually kill them in the process.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan in his Audi and Seungcheol in his Volvo took off from the starting line, snow spirring up from their tyres as they launched off in second gear from the get-go.</p><p> </p><p>"Come on!" Seungcheol shrieked, suddenly terrified and wide-eyed at the first bend in the forest as Jeonghan nabbed a early lead in his more powerful Audi. </p><p> </p><p>"WHOA!" Jeonghan exclaimed as going over a concealed hill, yes, Yoon Jeonghan in a Nazi-mobile that was very much overweight and 3% uglier than a troll, got air.</p><p> </p><p>However, in Seungcheol's enthusiasm to catch up with the younger man who now had a roughly seventy-five meter lead, he slipped on his steering and was heading for the trees.</p><p> </p><p>"TREES!" Seungcheol hollered, nearly pooing himself, before, over-correcting his steering, skidded down a small hill towards a brook and bridge, and, instead of staying on the marked out track, he ran over the red witches hats and buried the nose in the bank of the frozen brooke, the black Volvo cocking it's back left-hand-side wheel.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, shit." Seungcheol remarked bluntly of his error.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Jeonghan was having a brilliant time in his Audi.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, I love the Winter Olympics, me." He opined with a huge grin on his face, a determined glimp in his eye. Dare he dream that this might be the first Top Gear event he might win?</p><p> </p><p>And, all in all, perhaps he could well dream, having just completed the first three kilometer driving course, now arriving at the shooting range for the first test. </p><p> </p><p>"I don't want to eat golden snow!" Seungcheol begged the Gods above, driving as fast as he could go to catch up with Jeonghan, who, kindly enough with the second half of the film crew, was patiently waiting at the shooting range for him to catch up. Seungcheol had been stuck for half an hour. The tow truck from the Norweigian village had gone to the second course, thinking they were their, not the first course. Seungcheol had heard Jeonghan nearly pissing himself laughing over the radio. Seungcheol also knew that Jeonghan's would have called Joshua back at the hotel and told him how Seungcheol had cocked up.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol narrated as he drove along on the bumpy course. "Biathletes need to eat 6,000 calories a day. 6,000!" Seungcheol exclaimed. "That's the equivalent of two pounds of butter," Seungcheol took a sharp, winding corner in the forest. "70 slices of bread, 112 eggs, 86 tubs of yogurt, 28 potatoes, 117 biscuits and 21 TWIX bars." As Seungcheol took another corner, going sideways, there was a terrific flurry of snow kicked out back by his tyres. Ooh, yeah. "On that basis alone I could be a olympic biathlete!" Seungcheol commented.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, the directors told Jeonghan he could get ready for the shooting; Jeonghan had spent ages just sitting in the Audi with the heater on listening to the Norse equivalent of Radio 3.</p><p> </p><p>It was fucking shite.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan raced out of the driver's seat and he rushed around to the boot, throwing open the door on newly oiled hinges. Joys of a new car, eh? </p><p> </p><p>Even if it was a Nazi-mobile.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan jogged across the snow-covered ground to the stand-point and loaded the magazine in to the weapon. "Magazine...in..." Jeonghan mumbled to himself, making sure the gun wasn't going to explode in his face. His sister would think it hilarious. "Now," Jeonghan said. "Your real biathlete arrives here with his heart doing around 180 beats a minute." Jeonghan mounted the gun to his collarbone, lining up the telescopic sights on the rifle. "And he has to time this with his heartbeat and his breathing."</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan pulled the trigger for the first time. He got the target in one. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan got the second, third and fourth targets dead-on.</p><p> </p><p>Just as Seungcheol in his black Volvo arrived.</p><p> </p><p>"SHOOTING RANGE!" Seungcheol announced, taking a deep right-hand turn into the shooting range. </p><p> </p><p>By the time Seungcheol parked the Volvo, Jeonghan had hit the fifth target, had got the rifle into the boot, and, was getting back into the driver's seat. Jeonghan shunted his open-palmed hand in Seungcheol's direction. "Five-out-of-five to beat, Volvo man." Jeonghan told Seungcheol triumphantly before taking off in the Audi.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't care about his score!" Seungcheol shouted as he raced around to the boot of his Volvo. "Because not only is he using the wrong car, he is using the wrong gun!" Seungcheol pulled his weapon of choice from the boot. ".22 is alright when you're nine, but, when you're in a hurry, you need one of these." Seungcheol held up a small machine gun to the camera. "A Heckler &amp; Koch MP5 Machine Pistol." Seungcheol cocked it up, pre-loaded with it's ammunition. "Okay! Fully automatic..." Seungcheol roughly lined it up but did make a professional form of effort, looking with concerntration through the telescopic sights fixed to the gun. "EAT LEAD, OLYMPIC TARGET!!!" Seungcheol roared before pressing on the trigger and holding it down. Bullets flew from the gun with deadly precision, used carridges flew from the the spine of the weapon, flecks of snow from missed shots flew up into the air along with gunpowder smoke exiting from the spine of the weapon, getting it's acrid scent into Seungcheol's scarf, jacket and hair. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, yeah." Seungcheol dropped with a deep-toned voice, his lip curling slightly in supreme alpha-masculine conduct.</p><p> </p><p>However, the image was degraded away to the point of nothingness.</p><p> </p><p>One, he had yellow plugs in his ears to protect his sensitive hearing, but, also, even though each of the targets had about several bullet holes in each, he had absolutely killed the board the targets were held in. Stray bullets littered the snow around the target and the forest behind.</p><p> </p><p>As a result, he had absolutely fucked the task. Staggerlingly to Seungcheol when scolded by the producers, he was doddled and was given a 25-second time penalty and had to go and park in the bin.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, 25 seconds is a week!" Seungcheol howled, checking his watch and gripping the steering wheel with frightened hands. No, the campest man on Earth with the long locks and the rabbit-skin hat could not beat him.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Jeonghan was getting along at a cracking pace in the snow-covered woods, commentating the driving to himself through the woods and the course.</p><p> </p><p>"Nice and sideways there..." Jeonghan said as he did indeed go sideways in his Nazi-mobile around a long turn. "Drop it down one..." He handled the Audi's gearstick. </p><p> </p><p>All the while, Seungcheol had finally been released from prison. He was about a minute behind Captin Slow and there was a lot of time to be made up, which, meant for only one thing:</p><p> </p><p>"POWER!" Seungcheol roared. However, he nearly fucked it up. He forgot about the steep hill which was hidden, and, in doing so, came about several inches off crashing the black Volvo nose-first into the ground. "YOW! Air-borne!" He exclaimed outwardly.</p><p> </p><p>Much further along the course, Jeonghan was getting more and more confident.</p><p> </p><p>"As you can see, diesel is excellent for off-roading." Jeonghan remarked. "As we're demonstrating now as I turn into this one really tight...give it a bit of boot..."</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan executed the corner but the backside of the Nazi-mobile slipped into a waved finish as he took off onto the straight once more.</p><p> </p><p>Meanwhile, Seungcheol was getting a bit less impressed at the performance of both himself and the gay one.</p><p>"Enviromentalists say that when the gulf stream stops, Britain will look like this!" He said. "Bring it on!"</p><p> </p><p>With Seungcheol nowhere inside, Jeonghan completed the second course and headed back to the rifle range. This time, they had to fire lying down inside the cars, which mean that they had to drop the rear seats. </p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan opened the boot, and, crawling inside it with his bum sticking out, he figured that trying to do it from the back was not the way to do it. He climbed out of the boot, and, got into the back seats. He figured it out then. "Right, headrest, down and out..." Jeonghan squashed the seats down with his body weight.</p><p> </p><p>In the Q7 it was a doddle.</p><p> </p><p>"I press that..." Jeonghan got down the middle seat and then the right seat. "Yep, that's done..."</p><p> </p><p>He wriggled into the now extended boot and put up his rifle. He stared agahast for a few moments at the mess Seungcheol had made of the targets.</p><p> </p><p>"What an idiot." Jeonghan mumbled to himself. He pulled the trigger and got the first target shot in. Jeonghan swore internally as he missed the second target, but, got the third and the fourth targets in immediate sucession. He missed the fifth target just as Seungcheol and his black Volvo appeared out of the white snowy distance, quite literally the bat out of hell. </p><p> </p><p>"Oh, cock." Jeonghan said. "I've missed a couple."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, Yoon!" Seungcheol cried out, seeing Jeonghan had parked his car in the centre of the straight run. "You're in the middle of the road!"</p><p> </p><p>For the next few moments, Seungcheol, as revrenge, blocked in Jeonghan everytime he tried to drive away by keeping close to him. Jeonghan blared his horn irritably.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, stop beeping your horn." Seungcheol smiled drily. He then evilly cackled as he ruined Jeonghan's three-point-turn. Eventually, Seungcheol let Jeonghan drive to the penalty bin.</p><p> </p><p>"Missed any?" Seungcheol remarked.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah." Jeonghan stuck his head and middle finger out of the window.</p><p> </p><p>"Good, he's in the penalty bin." Seungcheol launched out of the front of the car and into the back. "Seats down. Now, the thing is, my brother and my mum have these cars at home so I know exactly how to do all of this stuff..."</p><p> </p><p>Filming was called to a halt temporarily as Seungcheol fucked around with the Volvo.</p><p> </p><p>He didn't know tits.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, how does that work?" Seungcheol scratched his head and only succeeded in doing something to the seat-belt. Jeonghan sighed and opened the door of his Audi, not to get out and help, but just so he could have a fag without Audi saying to him and the producer's afterwards, "What's the nicotine scent, english-people who we failed in conquering and have the shits with the world because of?"</p><p> </p><p>"That's not it." Seungcheol muttered as he pulled another switch and it just made the headrest fall down. He climbed into the boot and then proceeded to get himself stuck as he tried essentially to do twister in the Volvo. The camera-man took absolute delight in filming Seungcheol looking like a twat, his lower half sticking out the right-hand-side passenger door.</p><p> </p><p>"I'M STUCK!" He shouted. He moaned. "Oh, how can I not know?!"</p><p> </p><p>On the other side of the course, Jeonghan sat on the bonnet of the car and watched the ridiculous behaviour at the end of the course. What a twat, he thought, sucking in some cigarette smoke into his lungs. Finally, he was allowed to drive off again.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm goanna have to phone my Mum..." Seungcheol said, searching in his jacket for his phone once he finally got free of doing twister in the Volvo. "Oh, hey, Mum, not interrupting you and Dad's dinner?"</p><p> </p><p>Should've brought some CD's today, Jeonghan couldn't help but think as he crashed through the forest undergrowth on the track towards the finish line.</p><p> </p><p>"No, I know, I've pulled the handle..." Seungcheol said to his Mother over the phone. "Oh, the what?" He echoed a few seconds later. "Oh, beautiful, thanks, yeah, yeah, phone tomorrow. Love you and Pa. Aha!" Seungcheol triumphantly exclaimed, pulling a lever at the same time on the side and bottom of the seats. They didn't flatten down completely but it was flat enough. Seungcheol lowered down the tailgate on the Volvo's boot and position the machine gun out of the car once more.</p><p> </p><p>"Of course, they great thing about Seungcheol's shooting," Jeonghan remarked as he thundered along. "Is that as long as you stand right in front of the target you are perfectly safe."</p><p> </p><p>Back at the rifle range, however, Seungcheol had learnt his lesson and was not going to miss this time. </p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol lined up the gun wth the telescopic sights to the targets, and, let fire. The gun vibrated powerfully against his body, feeling much better in a lying down position rather than a standing one. And, the moment he stopped pulling on the trigger, an ominous, strangely familiar crack filled up the Norweigian winter air.</p><p> </p><p>Above the target range, a thirty-year-old Pine tree wobbled in the air before falling slowly but surely to the snow-covered ground with a terrific crash.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol's jaw hung agape.</p><p> </p><p>So, with Jeonghan thundering alone, Seungcheol was back in the penalty box, and, well, to anyone watching...that Volvo was rocking side to side and back and forth on it's supension a certainly terrific amount.</p><p> </p><p>"STEVIE WONDER COULD HAVE DONE BETTER!!!" Seungcheol wailed, holding onto the steering wheel of the Volvo tightly and rocking back and forth in the driver's seat, time dragging by so it felt more like hours than seconds. </p><p> </p><p>"A bit of air!" Jeonghan announced happily as he yet again went over that hidden hill. "That's - OY!" There was a huge bump in which his arse came off the seat. "That's excellent." He smiled happily to himself.</p><p> </p><p>But, then, Jeonghan stopped thundering and started crashing. He came too fast over the next wheel, lost traction, braked too late and on the edge of the road, so, he skidded down the slope of the road into a pine tree with locked wheels and no control whatsoever. </p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol, who had only been out of the penalty bin for several moments, noticed his radio going beserk. He recieved a message from the Director:</p><p> </p><p>"Jeonghan is off! Jeonghan is off!"</p><p> </p><p>"Jeonghan is off?" Seungcheol echoed. "YES!" He fist-pumped. "I mean, no, oh, no." Seungcheol tried to gracefully correct himself, sounding mournful. "Oh, poor Jeonghan."</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan, meanwhile, in his Audi revved the engine but just spun the wheels, in an attempt to see if he could reverse out of the ditch, but, the two-foot snow stopped him. </p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol evilly cackled in his Volvo.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan resulted to digging himself out of the snow, and, desperately did it as well as Seungcheol drove the fuck out of his XC90.</p><p> </p><p>"Never has a Volvo been driven like this before." Seungcheol said as he went sideways around a bend, then, quite promptly, over a baby pine tree. </p><p> </p><p>"That's him!" Seungcheol stared aghast ahead at a car half in a ditch. "That's Jeonghan!"</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan, all the while, had had a bit of help from the film crew and some loading ramps. So, Jeonghan reversed the Nazi-mobile back out onto the track with Seungcheol just twenty-five meters behind him in his Volvo. The race truly re-bagan, only a few meters between the two competitors.</p><p> </p><p>"COME ON, I CAN CATCH HIM!" Seungcheol begged, driving as fast as he could.</p><p> </p><p>"Sod off, Choi!" Jeonghan glanced at Seungcheol's XC90 through the back windscreen.</p><p> </p><p>The young men came neck and neck as they raced for the finish line.</p><p> </p><p>"NO, HE'S GETTING AHEAD!" Seungcheol shouted as they went around one of the final bends and Jeonghan got the nose of his Audi in front of the Volvo's. "He's on the outside, this is looking good..." Seungcheol commentated, thinking he can take Jeonghan up the inside and have him fucked.\par"NO, HE'S GETTING AHEAD!" Seungcheol shouted as they went around one of the final bends and Jeonghan got the nose of his Audi in front of the Volvo's. "He's on the outside, this is looking good..." Seungcheol commentated, thinking he can take Jeonghan up the inside and have him fucked.</p><p> </p><p>But, of course, the Volvo gave Seungcheol a lurch of under-steer as Jeonghan performed a terrific show of over-steer, and, the combined maneouvers made it so as Seungcheol went too wide Jeonghan could take him on the inside, and, take him on the inside did he do.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, he's come through!" Seungcheol howled, knowing then and there that the race was lost to him.</p><p> </p><p>"Come on! Come on!" Jeonghan banged his hand against the steering wheel of the Nazi-mobile, a train going past and keeping pace with him on the air-rail track above the course.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, no, no!" Seungcheol cried out as Jeonghan crossed the red finish-line.</p><p> </p><p>"YES! YES! YES!!!" Jeonghan shrieked triumphantly, grinning his head off and clapping and fist pumping. "I've won a Top Gear event! YES!!!"</p><p> </p><p>As Jeonghan did a celebratory drag lap around the course, Seungcheol sighed.</p><p> </p><p>"So, that's one-nil to Captain Slow, despite what we both thought was rather a poor car." He said. "Not only is it ugly, the air-suspension is too complicated and the seat lay-out is all wrong."</p><p> </p><p>Still, it didn't change the outcome.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol laughed incredulously, looking to a yellow spot in the snow where Jeonghan had just taken a leak. </p><p> </p><p>"You are kidding?" Seungcheol said to Jeonghan who had a huge grin on his face and his hands in his pockets.</p><p> </p><p>"It's your rules!" Jeonghan exclaimed. He nearly pissed himself laughing as Seungcheol tried not to laugh too, faced with the reality of it been showed to hundreds of millions of people on international television that he was eating a piece of snow that Yoon Jeonghan had just piddled on. Seungcheol picked up a piece, and, the first hint of the ice-cold snow with what was like going down on a girl when she hadn't had had a bath filled Seungcheol's sense, he spluttered and swore still with a huge grin.</p><p> </p><p>"I wish I hadn't used the machine gun..." Seungcheol admitted, the snow and um...other condiments half dripping out of his mouth. There was no way he could swallow Jeonghan's wee.</p><p> </p><p>"Well, quite." Jeonghan reasonably answered.</p><p> </p><p>"What were you drinking last night?!" Seungcheol jogged off to throw up.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Speed Skating</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>With the launch of the new Jaguar XK 8, comes, of course, a Top Gear road test and tom foolery. But, Jaguar motor company has never before seen the sight of one of it's cars up against a world record holding speed skater</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hey :)) The second chapter released. I hope you enjoy it. Now, time for me to go have a massive gin and tonic with no tonic but add the lemon...*laughing*</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The sound of sharp blades of the speed skater's uniformed cutting through the millimeters thick sheet of ice within the Norweigian stadium filled up the air in a way that could be consumed as godly for all the skill of the skater, but, for the BBC film crews, it was akin to nails on a fucking chalkboard.</p><p> </p><p>Not that Seungcheol and Jeonghan noticed.</p><p> </p><p>"I want this car." Jeonghan told Seungcheol blatantly of their test subject for the day. "This shall my be Yuletide present."</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol laughed.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, alright, I'll accept nothing from Shua if you and him team up and get me this." Jeonghan pointed at the car.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh." Seungcheol hummed.</p><p> </p><p>While they chattered on, the film cameras took in the sight of the champion speed-skating athlete doing gentle laps around the frozen stadium course, and, after many different cameras at different heights and angles had caught sight of his bizarre face and perfectly formed arse, the working day could truly begin.</p><p> </p><p>"This is speed skating." Jeonghan narrated. Behind him, the speed-skater shot past him at a speed of twenty-five miles an hour, and, that was only half of his fastest speed; he was akin to the Flash in his red body-suit uniform. "Which, in the proper Olympics, involves a lot of men in condoms slithering about." Jeonghan added. "In a race, their hearts beat 200 times a minute and it's all jolly exciting, but, we think we can do better."</p><p> </p><p>Film footage showed a balloon the size of a Land Rover discovery in the shape of a red skating shoe hanging from the ceiling of the stadium. "This is our ice skate." Jeonghan said. The cameras then dipped on their axles to show one of the most magnificent sights to ever be in the eyes of the beholding human race.</p><p> </p><p>"The brand new Jauar XK 8." The love was evident in Jeonghan's voice of the dark, dark red and tastefully sculpted vehicles, not getting all big and clunky like Lamboghini's or out-there-like-venus Audi's; it still had the grace of what was Jaguar motor cars, and, Mazda car company had made a fortune in recent years by styling their cars to look as sophisticated and as smooth as Jaguar's road cars.</p><p> </p><p>"And this is Torvill." The loving tone in Jeonghan's voice dropped down to a deadpan at the sight of Seungcheol in a thick light-grey jumper with a zip neck, jeans, and sneakers walked tiny baby-steps across the ice towards the Jaguar, and, nearly went arse over head to smash his face on the side mirror on the passenger door. Twat, Jeonghan thought.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol managed to get close enough to the Jaguar before standing up straight with a big grin. Jeonghan knew for a fact that the cunt was over the moon to get to drive the Jaguar before the Christian motorist was allowed to get in and defile it.</p><p> </p><p>"What the younger, more anorexic Torvill is going to be doing," Jeonghan continued to talk, this time, walking along the ice and in his hard-wear tradesmen boots, had a lot more grip and poise than bloody Seungcheol did. "Is racing this fellow."</p><p> </p><p>The speed-skater came back into view. Jeonghan could have sworn there was a bit of ice forming in the Norse man's sparse stubble; the speed-skater was one of those men that shaved in the morning and had it back by morning tea time.</p><p> </p><p>"That is Eskil Ervik," Jeonghan pointed at the Norse man as he went past him yet again on his skates. "And he's the world record holder for the 1500 meters skating quickly thing."</p><p> </p><p>The race soon begun, and, to avoid initally damaging the surface of the ice which could roughen and potentially kill Eskil Ervik who would be traveling at speed, Seungcheol was tasked with steering the car with no brake, the film crew and Jeonghan pushing it up to the starting line where the speed skater was positioned. Jeonghan glimpsed Seungcheol's hands rubbing together delightfully with a wicked but happy expression on his face at how they Brits in a British car were going to beat a Viking in a condom.</p><p> </p><p>"Right," Jeonghan remarked of the whole affair. "It's a 1500 race, three laps." Jeonghan then put the starting pistol into the air and pulled the trigger. The younger, more anorexic Torvill and Eskil Ervik took off at the same time.</p><p> </p><p>But that's when the downward decline for British pride began.</p><p> </p><p>"And they're off!" Jeonghan announced, pointing after the speed skater as Seungcheol crawled over the beginning line at barely two miles an hour, the wheels spinning with loss of traction and spitting up flecks of ice. "Well, the condom is anyway."</p><p> </p><p>It took Seungcheol thirty seconds to get to ten meters from the starting line.</p><p> </p><p>"That didn't go well." Seungcheol conceded, speaking for the first time, trying to navigate the Jaguar which had no real steering, even with it's rear-wheel drive egineering.</p><p> </p><p>"No, oh, that's..." The Jag spun sideways around the bend without Seungcheol making it do so. "Oh, that's extroadinairy." Seungcheol said. "There's no grip at all here."</p><p> </p><p>Nonetheless, he was managing to drive along, even if he was 50-75 meters behind Eskil Ervik.</p><p> </p><p>"No braking and no real steering." Seungcheol remarked. He then exclaimed in panicked gibberish as the Jag then really lost grip and did a half-moon drag on it's arse before crashing arse-first into the five-foot thick pads they had around the edge of the stadium where the spectator's seats became the ice course.</p><p> </p><p>"Bit of a slip from Torvill there." Jeonghan remarked, walking across the grass oval at the centre of the stadium to see what the hell his mate - and, yes, even though Seungcheol was a dickhead, they were still mates at the end of it - was doing in that beautiful, lovely, worshipful, bloody gorgeous car.</p><p> </p><p>"Here comes Yoon." Seungcheol remarked drily as he managed to complete the first lap at a speed of two miles an hour.</p><p> </p><p>"I think he's gaining on you!" Jeonghan shouted, running along the grass oval to keep up with the Jag on the ice. The gigantic coat that looked like it should be on a farm in North Yorkshire that Jeonghan was wearing slipped off his shoulders and back and hung around his arms like a wrap. It was green and evidently very warm, and, most of all, utterly sensible.</p><p> </p><p>Of course, this then belonged to Joshua, and obviously not Jeonghan, who was the most un-sensible person in the whole world. </p><p> </p><p>Prudish wasn't sensible. Catholic wasn't sensible.</p><p> </p><p>"You're goanna get cold, mate." Joshua had insisted bluntly earlier that morning and had put the coat into Jeonghan's arms; Jeonghan had planned to wear his denim jacket with the lamb-fleece lining, but, Joshua had known best.</p><p> </p><p>Which was a fucking miracle.</p><p> </p><p>Just as Seungcheol began his second lap, Eskil Ervik was on his third and finishing lap. Seungcheol stared after him aghast as the Norse man went past him.</p><p> </p><p>The skater was managing forty miles and hour through the bends, whereas Seungcheol was managing most briskly...</p><p> </p><p>Four.</p><p> </p><p>You could be forgiven for thinking that the oaf didn't even have his foot on the accelerator.</p><p> </p><p>"I don't think this is goanna make it as an Olympic sport." Seungcheol remarked bluntly as he did a triple donut going around one of the bends on the frozen course. Outside, he could hear the camera crew having absolute fits of hysterical laughter, and, if Seungcheol looked into his rear-vision mirror and squinted a bit, Jeonghan, the cock, had a bit of a grin as well.</p><p> </p><p>I'll bash him, Seungcheol decided.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol managed to get around the course again, and, as he went on the left straight, Jeonghan jogged after him again on the grass oval.</p><p> </p><p>"YOU COULD SLOW DOWN A RUDDY FUNERAL AT THIS RATE!" Jeonghan helpfully hollered.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm going as fast as I -" Seungcheol broke off with a burst of laughter as Jeonghan accidentally set of the launch gun again and his whole being vanished into a cloud of smoke from the used stun cartridge.</p><p> </p><p>Nonetheless, as Jeonghan choked to death on his knees on the grass oval, Seungcheol drove as best as he could.</p><p> </p><p>He growled at the sight of Eskil Ervik in his side mirror, but, at the end of it all, it was a fucking spectacle anyway. "It's so irritating having a man keeping up with me." Seungcheol place had emphasis on "man." </p><p> </p><p>"AND HE'S JUST GONE PAST ME AGAIN!" Seungcheol roared, slapping his hands against the Jag's steering wheel as the Norse twat in the condom did indeed out-skate him once more.</p><p> </p><p>Eskil Ervik won the race, and, skated along backwards without actually moving as Seungcheol finished the last one hundred meters doing donuts across the ice.</p><p> </p><p>"He's just toying with me now, look at him." Seungcheol remarked as the Norse skater threw his arms up in the air in a victory impression. "No!" Seungcheol grinned but blasted the Jag's horn so loud he nearly deafened everyone in rural Norway.</p><p> </p><p>Later that day, back out on the open road by the mountain village where Seungcheol, Jeonghan and Joshua with the crew were staying, Seungcheol drove the Jag along one the many frozen roads; on an actual road, though icy, it behaved a lot better and it's handling was beautiful. Seungcheol deeply considered the car; fucking Jeonghan having it, he was going to buy it for himself.</p><p> </p><p>"I suspect it was my driving that let the Jag down there." Seungcheol told the film camera that took up the passenger side of the Jaguar. "Because on the face of it, this does seem to be quite a car."</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol swallowed, a repressed memory from earlier coming back up.</p><p> </p><p>"YOU LOOK LIKE YOU'VE KILLED AN ENDANGERED CREATURE FOR THAT BLOODY COAT!" Jeonghan hollered his opinion of Seungcheols new coat, a black leather cut with fox fur trim.</p><p> </p><p>"You look like a poofter." Joshua remarked.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan had cackled merrily, falling to his knees on the ground as Joshua's descriptive statement.</p><p> </p><p>"It's fashion." Seungcheol told him. "It's sexy. Sends the girl's wild."</p><p> </p><p>"Well, I hope it does, because your face is fucking ugly." Joshua replied.</p><p> </p><p>As Seungcheol huffed Joshua further remarked, "Whatever animal died for that coat, I do hope it catches you a girlfriend so the poor little thing didn't die in vain."</p><p>"You know your thing?" Seungcheol said brusequely. "Toxic birmingham-raised masculinity."</p><p> </p><p>Joshua had nearly pissed himself laughing. "With a face like this?" He pointed at his chin. "You won't believe the amount of times I got beaten up. You know what my nicknames were? Faggot and Chink Cunt." Despite the horrific revelation, Joshua grinned cheerfully. "Joy of life, eh?" He commented. He sighed. "It is a very nice coat." He said of Seungcheol's garment, making amends. "And both me and Hannie are sorry for acting like - the fuck?"</p><p> </p><p>Joshua had rushed over to the window. "Oh my God, which rich bird does that Jag belong to?" He gasped. He raced out of seungcheol's hotel room. "I'm going to marry her and her purse!" Joshua shouted as he nicked off.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan could barely breathe for laughing.</p><p> </p><p>But, back to the Jaguar.</p><p> </p><p>"Obviously, on snowy roads like this I can't possibly do a proper road test." Seungcheol gestured about. "So we'll do one in Britain back in the Spring. But, there are some things that I can tell you now."</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol briefly admired the view of the snowy landscape as he cross over a bridge over a frozen river which looked like it had little boys sailing boats frozen in the very centre, as though it had been a mild Autumn day and suddenly - snap! - winter had come along. </p><p> </p><p>"For example, it's faster and has two more seats than the new baby Aston." Seungcheol said. "But, most significantly, this Jaguar costs £15,000 less." Seungcheol nodded seriously before sighing. "Oh, sure, the Aston's a beautiful looking car but this isn't exactly what you'd call a minger, is it?" He smiled.</p><p> </p><p>He went over a steep slope with a sign post that read "farts dempere". Trust the British to decide to film that and put it on international television. Seungcheol thought that they'd be up for racism, next. If they - as British folk - had done that in China or Lebanon or Africa for example, they would have bricks thrown through the windows of their offices at the BBC. But, Seungcheol thought, considering that "farts dempere" meant "icy roads", he did wonder:</p><p> </p><p>How the fuck did the Norse get THAT from THAT?</p><p> </p><p>"It was designed by the same man who did the Aston," Seungcheol further narrated. "And if you think it's beautiful on the outside, you should see the interior."</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol pulled up in a car-park that had once been that to accomodate the vehicles of spectator's for the local...did the Norweigians play football? Or did they just have a sport where they executed Germans?</p><p> </p><p>"Old Jags were all full of wood and pipe tobacco." Seungcheol remarked, standing beside the car, having climbed out. "It was like been inside Yoon Jeonghan." Seungcheol pressed this point. "But this one," Seungcheol opened the Jag's driver's door. "Is like being inside...Joshua Hong."</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol frowned slightly, wondering if he had shot himself in the foot by talking about being inside both of his mates and co-presenters on international television.</p><p> </p><p>"It really is modern, savage luxury in here." Seungcheol said, starting the Jag again, and, so coe to life did it's inner workings; bright lights, electronic displays, all knobs and dials. It was a sight to behold. "And it goes as modern, savage luxury should."</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol floored the iconic car, and, took it back out onto the main, frozen roads.</p><p> </p><p>"It really is quick." Seungcheol remarked. "Or, it would be if I had a bit more space to play with." Norway, to Seungcheol, seemed to consist of skinny straight roads of wide mountainside roads that were so steep that you couldn't see up and over them or down and over them until the last nanosecond. "You could have so much fun on this road; it's straight-line speed heaven." Seungcheol admitted. "But, it would be followed by such an enormous accident."</p><p> </p><p>As it became dark, as it did every fifteen seconds in Winter Norway, Seungcheol went back to meet Jeonghan at the hotel to make a plan for the next Top Gear Winter Olympic event.</p><p> </p><p>He soon found that going down the hill to the massive hotel, there was no traction, no breaks, no steering. Seungcheol quite literally clenched his eyes shut, bottom shut, and hands on the steering wheel as he uncontrollably slid down the hill towards the hotel, and, came to a perfect, neat stop in the snow-covered carpark without even so much as a hair-line scratch on any part of the Jag whatsoever. Seungcheol couldn't believe it.</p><p> </p><p>"Thank fuck." Seungcheol slumped forward, absolutely limp, all energy drained from him by this one feat.</p><p> </p><p>He didn't even care that his chest was setting of the Jag's horn.</p><p> </p><p>God, he needed a beer and a sleep.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Frozen Lake</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Today, Seungcheol and Jeonghan take the road test of the Jaguar to never before seen conditions - track timing on a frozen lake with the ever notorious challenge:</p><p>Which is better? Two wheel drive or four wheel drive?</p><p>Who will embarrass the BBC and the British Public more on Norse soil - ahem, ice?</p><p>Joshua, Jeonghan or Seungcheol?</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Finally got it for you! I've literally written this in the lady hour *laughing* hope you like it :)</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A dawn winter sun rose gently over the opaque landscape of winter Lillehammer, Norway, and, it directly shone onto a frozen lake of the region which the Top Gear boys of Jeonghan, Seungcheol and Joshua were staying at whilst filming THE WINTER OLYMPICS. </p><p> </p><p>But even the awakening of the day wasn't without irreverence, blokiness, chaos, and delightfully British behaviour.</p><p> </p><p>"THAT FUCKING SUN!" Jeonghan in the hotel room between Joshua and Seungcheol's on the fourth four of the ski resort hotel they were residing in currently with their BBC film team squawked, waking his co-hosts and mates - deep down - up.</p><p> </p><p>Joshua and Seungcheol - who had been having a hell of a time adjusting to Norway's Winter light-hours of five in twenty-four hours - had been having fitful, restless sleep all night, and, due to Jeonghan's squawking, they had been woken up just as they were getting off.</p><p> </p><p>"PRICK!" Seungcheol shouted.</p><p> </p><p>"OH, SHUT UP, YOU TART!" Joshua hollered.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol burst out laughing at Joshua's outburst.</p><p> </p><p>"FUCK OFF!" Joshua yelled at him.</p><p> </p><p>"WHAT IS GOING ON?" Jeonghan asked loudly.</p><p> </p><p>Once a brummy always a brummy, Seungcheol thought to himself cheerfully. You can take the brummy out of Birmingham but you can't take the Birmingham out of the brummy</p><p> </p><p>"I CAN YOU THINKIN', YA CUNT!" Joshua was getting rather pissed off.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol nearly lost it again as Jeonghan started tutting. Seungcheol - knowing Jeonghan well enough to know what he would be doing at this moment - would be getting up from bed, getting on his slippers and dressing gown and pulling his hair up in a hair-tye so it didn't annoy Joshua or otherwise tickle his face when Jeonghan went in to check on him and, of course, invaded his personal space as the German's did on their French holiday in 1939.</p><p> </p><p>"Joshy..." Jeonghan cooed.</p><p> </p><p>"YOU SHITE OF A MAN -!" Joshua let out before he went silent.</p><p> </p><p>A couple of moments later Jeonghan knocked politely and gently on Seungcheol's door. Seungcheol answered it in his shirt and undercrackers.</p><p> </p><p>"Joshy's just found out from his Nanna that his Mam wants a really expensive necklace for her birthday since Joshy's on the telly and making heaps of money but Joshy's just realized that his Mam's having an affair so if she's wearing a new bit of jewelry Dadda Hong will see it and have a fit because he thinks it's over the fancy-man and not how he promised her seventeen odd years ago he would buy her a sapphire necklace as a achievement for finishing menopause." Jeonghan explained.</p><p> </p><p>"Couldn't give a fuck." Seungcheol said. "When do the Vikings start serving brekky?" He rubbed his hands together in anticipation.</p><p> </p><p>Whilst a bit drunk the previous evening - and also why Joshua was a bit unhappy - they had planned to do a task involving a frozen lake.</p><p> </p><p>Sure, it'd be right!</p><p> </p><p>"Lovely-jubbly." Joshua had cooed happily at the time over the plan, making Jeonghan and Seungcheol nearly piss themselves laughing at how Joshua got five-times more brummy after half a pint.</p><p> </p><p>They began filming an hour-and-a-half-later, this event present by Seungcheol and Jeonghan.</p><p> </p><p>"Sometimes the next afternoon it was morning," Seungcheol narrated, standing over by the camera crew in front of a portable cylinder heater and wondering if he would still have healthy sexual function once he thawed out back in England in the Spring and the Beltane season of international shagging began. Nevermind me, Seungcheol thought briefly. Josh'll be on it like - OH, SHUT UP, BRAIN!!! "And we found the perfect frozen lake." Seungcheol continued his narration for the program. "Jeonghan also found his perfect car. The four-wheel-drive Landrover Discovery."</p><p> </p><p>The camera's focus moved over to Jeonghan - in that bloody furry hat, AGAIN!!! - bumbled over in his bumbling way to the snow-covered edge of the frozen lake with a very big stick.</p><p> </p><p>"Right, I'm going to build a track and this is what I've got in mind." Jeonghan told them all. "It's going to start with a long sweeping curve -" Jeonghan drew this in the snow. "Where Seungcheol will get carried away and apply the POWER!!! -"</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol grinned as Jeonghan imitated his thunderous roar and trademark quotation. The expression that came over Jeonghan's face was utterly retarded as he did it and Seungcheol thought that when the film was finished he was going to screenshot this scene and then use it on the front of all his Yuletide cards.</p><p> </p><p>Especially the one to Jeonghan's Mother.</p><p> </p><p>Happy! Floated around like little doves in Seungcheol's skull.</p><p> </p><p>"- And then it will come down to a straight -" Jeonghan continued, drawing in the snow as he went. "Where there will be a series of tightening "s's" where Seungcheol will crash if he hasn't already, and, then, there will be another sweeping curve. Over on the other side there will be another series of tightening "s's", and, then, finally, it will come back and join the big curve again."</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan stuck his stick in the snow and leant on it with a cold-induced but remarkably attractive flush on his cheekbones, snowflakes catching in his long hair.</p><p> </p><p>"THANK YOU, MISS YOON, DARLING GIRL!" Seungcheol called over.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan risked frostbite to a secret area by pulling down his dacks and mooning Seungcheol before realizing that Clark the camerman for that day was still filming.</p><p> </p><p>"FUCKING CUT!!!" Jeonghan shrieked, and, Seungcheol didn't know what caused it more - instaneous frostbite to his bum-oley or his round bum just been seen by BBC filmcrews who shall secretly keep the footage of Jeonghan's bum for TOP GEAR: GREATEST MOMENTS or somethingarather one day.</p><p> </p><p>But, rather more importantly, there was another worrying issue.</p><p> </p><p>Due to global warming, winter's hadn't been the same, evening in Norway.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol watched on with the on-set health-and-safety advisor Harold, a Scot in his early fifties, as a Norweigian local council worker drilled with a weapon the size of Kylie Minouge through the ice, to check it's strength and thickness. </p><p> </p><p>"Have we got a plan B?" Harold asked, voice burred with his deep accent.</p><p> </p><p>"Nope." Seungcheol told him. Harold tutted sympathetically.</p><p> </p><p>"You young lads are too pretty." Harold shook his bald head. He was a short, ugly and fat man but as sharp as a tact.</p><p> </p><p>"How d'you mean?" Seungcheol asked.</p><p> </p><p>"Didn't you no think to ask me about the ice been thick enough for Yoonie's four ton landrover?" He quiered, peering up at Seungcheol through his bushy eyebrows.</p><p> </p><p>"...no." Seungcheol answered meekly.</p><p> </p><p>Harold tutted again, but, it was nice tutting all the same.</p><p> </p><p>The cameras were turned back on as the council worker completed the drilling of the frozen lake, spearing a hole neatly through the surace. </p><p> </p><p>"Very good. but what jeonghan hadn't realized is that the ice might not be thick enough for his big Land Rover." Seungcheol said as - dressed once more in that hideous, ahem, "stylish for the ladies" coat - he went over to the ice-hole the Norweigan council-worker had made and put a level ruler into the hole. After a few seconds, white marks appeared on the stick, and, it was a shock to say the least.</p><p> </p><p>"And it is this thick." Seungcheol held the ruler five inches apart between two hands.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes." The council-worker agreed.</p><p> </p><p>"Do people fall through the ice on lakes in Norway?" Seungcheol asked the man.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes." The council-worker said. </p><p> </p><p>"Often?" Seungcheol raised an eyebrow.</p><p> </p><p>"Two last week." The man confirmed.</p><p> </p><p>"Two last week?" Seungcheol echoed.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes." The man nodded.</p><p> </p><p>"And are they dead?" Seungcheol inquired.</p><p> </p><p>"Quite dead." The council-worker confirmed.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol couldn't help it. He burst out laughing at the sweet, low tone that was characteristic with all Norweigans speaking English no matter what the situation was. The man grinned as Seungcheol nearly wet himself, still holding the water ruler in his hands.</p><p> </p><p>And Jeonghan would be competeing in a car that weighed nearly three tons.</p><p> </p><p>Whereas Seungcheol's Jaguar was sitting as one could see from it's satellite navigation screen right in the middle of the lake with no problem whatsoever, for, the Jaguar was constructed from aliminium and therefore weighed about...three ounces.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol watched on as the camera crew then began to film Jeonghan, who, having borrowed a tractor and grate from a nearby farm with his purse lighter than previous as rent to the machinery owner, set about cutting his racing course into the ice.</p><p> </p><p>"Meanwhile, unaware of the problem, Bob the Builder is now busy with his tractor." Seungcheol narratted, pointing out at the scene before he and eleven members of the BBC television production unit. </p><p> </p><p>From the camera set up in the body of the tractor, Jeonghan proudly and masculinally remarked of this fantastic machine with the addition of, "It's cutting down onto the five-foot-thick ice!"</p><p> </p><p>And, while Jeonghan did that, Seungcheol went for a sneaky practice run in his two-wheel drive Jag.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol floored it from the start/finish line which was adorned either side with Norweigan national flags, and, within fifty meters, skidded sideways before a triple donut.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, no!" He exclaimed, correcting the steering.</p><p> </p><p>He proceeded in this manner for a quarter of the track.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm alarming out of control here!" Seungcheol freely admitted. Well, he couldn't say otherwise, could he? </p><p> </p><p>And Seungcheol was sure that Jeonghan had spotted him in the side mirrors of the tractor by the way that he was angrily gesturing inside, making cut-throat and strangulation mannerisms at how his mate was messing up his as yet un-finished course which he would then have to make further amends on.</p><p> </p><p>But, what Seungcheol knew Jeonghan would have a fit about most of all was him essentially been a clown in the car that Jeonghan wanted as a Yuletide present.</p><p> </p><p>When Seungcheol finally got around the track fifteen minutes later, it seemed Jeonghan had much calmed down, then, it hit Seungcheol.</p><p> </p><p>One of the producers was wondering about with a packet of chocolate digestives.</p><p> </p><p>Ah, the lady's blood pressure went down, up, funny, whatever, Seungcheol thought as he parked the Jag at the start/finish line and put down the driver's-side window. But, nonetheless, he was glad that the long-haired mate of his and co-presenter of Top Gear was smiling and kindly-expressioned in the eyes instead of throwing his rag in.</p><p> </p><p>Well, kindly enough.</p><p> </p><p>"You know, in real ice skating, people sort of do this?" Jeonghan balanced on one leg, raising his arms upwardly in a delicate poise and bringing the other leg of his up in a raised position such as a ballet dancer.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes." Seungcheol said.</p><p> </p><p>"And that?" Jeonghan did the same move but on the opposite side.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah?" Seungcheol nodded, watching on.</p><p> </p><p>"And this?" Jeonghan did a neatly handled pirouette.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah?" Seungcheol hummed.</p><p> </p><p>"Do you know what you're doing?" Jeonghan quipped with a smile.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" Seungcheol grinned.</p><p> </p><p>"You're going out onto the ice rink and going -" Jeonghan flopped about like a nuffer on cocaine.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol burst out laughing.</p><p> </p><p>"Like that!" Jeonghan smiled enormously wide, crossing his arms.</p><p> </p><p>Finally, Top Gear's off-road, speed dance, men's, women's, no hill, two-wheel drive, challenge slalom - with a opening shot of the Jaguar with the tractor and aerial filming helicopter behind it in the setting sun of the Norweigan evening - was ready.</p><p> </p><p>"Good track that, Jeonghan." Seungcheol complimented Jeonghan on his work.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, not bad, is it?" Jeonghan agreed as they turned to face cameras.</p><p> </p><p>"You ready?" Seungcheol asked.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah, all good to go." Jeonghan nodded.</p><p> </p><p>"Hm." Seungcheol hummed.</p><p> </p><p>But something made Jeonghan stop. He had seen the council-worker earlier, the health-and-safety officer, Scottish Harold, stressing and the film-crew chattering among themselves and explicitly not telling him anything if he asked. And Seungcheol was looking ridicuously happy over something. My death, it'd be right, Jeonghan grimly thought."How thick is the ice?" He questioned Seungcheol.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, you'll be fine." Seungcheol dismissed.</p><p> </p><p>"Seriously?" Jeonghan went over to his Land Rover. Seungcheol wouldn't kill him, of course he wouldn't.</p><p> </p><p>"Yeah." Seungcheol nodded before he turned back to the camera, wiggling his eyebrows with a huge, huge, huge grin of hopeful delight on his features.</p><p> </p><p>As Jeonghan took off from the start/finish line, the wheels of the Land Rover spun but there was nothing to worry about in this solid piece of British steel.</p><p> </p><p>"And we're off!" Jeonghan announced, feeling controlled and happy with his prospects. He knew he was right in choice of vehicle.</p><p> </p><p>And Jaguar motor car company would be apalled when they say how Seungcheol used one of their beautiful vehicles. Jeonghan took his course easily, making a nice selection of drift around the outer bends of the s's before gracefully flicking it the other way. </p><p> </p><p>"This is the best way to get the power of the big V8 down there onto the ice." Jeonghan explained to the cameras in the car. "It's with four-wheel-drive, intelligent differentials, intelligent traction control. Not just booting it and shouting like Seungcheol does."</p><p> </p><p>Contrary to Jeonghan's opinion, as Jeonghan continued his lap of the track, Seungcheol turned to the camera and said, "You just don't need it. You just don't need four-wheel-drive out here."</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, yes." Jeonghan said to himself proudly as he took the sweeping south arc of his track graciously.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol put his hand up against his ear, trying to block out wind noise. "I think I just heard the ice crack." He said.</p><p> </p><p>"What I'm counting on is Seungcheol not even being able to face the right direction in this track, he'll just be going round and round in little circles." Jeonghan changed gear in the Land Rover. "Oh, what a drift!" He murmured as he swept around the north arc of the track before coming over the finish line, timed by Seungcheol.</p><p> </p><p>"Very safe. Very steady." Seungcheol remarked, looking down at Jeonghan's lap-time on the stop-watch. "And it took him two minutes, three seconds." Seungcheol held up the stop-watch face to the camera. </p><p> </p><p>"Pathetic." Seungcheol remarked, leaning his elbows with forearms crossed over one another on the door frame of Jeonghan's car, Jeonghan having put the driver's window down for him to stick his head in.</p><p> </p><p>"Rubbish, man." Jeonghan insisted, putting the Land Rover into park.</p><p> </p><p>"You were hardly moving." Seungcheol told Jeonghan.</p><p> </p><p>"Rubbish, I was going at a good consistent speed and in control which is the point I'm trying to make." Jeonghan answered.</p><p> </p><p>"You were hardly moving." Seungcheol echoed his former words.</p><p> </p><p>"That was an example of beautiful driving, you're full of nonsense." Jeonghan took none of Seungcheol's rubbish, rolling his eyes.</p><p> </p><p>"The other dissappointing thing was that you actually didn't fall through the ice because you know how thick it is?" Seungcheol looked at Jeonghan intently.</p><p> </p><p>"Four feet?" Jeonghan guessed, his stomach knotting worriedly.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol shook his head. "About five inches." He murmured.</p><p> </p><p>"You're kidding?" A incredulous half-smile just came onto Jeonghan's mouth.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm not. It's about five inches." Seungcheol repeated.</p><p> </p><p>Jeonghan suddenly felt quite breathless. "You told me it was safe." He only just managed and very softly-toned.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol's lips pinched in at the corners.</p><p> </p><p>"Joshy's going to find out." Jeonghan promised Seungcheol. "And he's going to kill you."</p><p> </p><p>"I know." Seungcheol said of their Brummy friend meekly.</p><p> </p><p>As Jeonghan went off to recover on the set location sight - putting in his headphones and listening to whatever gay music he did - Seungcheol got his Jaguar ready for his turn on the track.</p><p> </p><p>"So, how would the rear-wheel-drive Jag get on?" Seungcheol asked aloud in his narration. </p><p> </p><p>As he took off from the start/finish line ten minutes later, he sprayed roughly five staff with ice flicked up by the back tyres and Seungcheol could quite clearly hear Jeonghan's voice inside his mind praying for him to die and Joshua hanging him with a chain from his hotel room ceiling.</p><p> </p><p>"Oh, yeah!" Seungcheol put it out of his mind as he revved the Jag's engine until the carburettor danced on the front of the dark red bonnet. "With all this space, it's so mcuh easier and faster than it had been either on the ice rink or the road." Seungcheol immediately attested tribute to the Jag's drive as he took the first bend of the track, the north arc.</p><p> </p><p>"I'm sideways, I'm in control." Seungcheol said forcefully, and, actually, for once, he was! "I look good!" He grinned. "POWER -!!! FUCK!!!" </p><p> </p><p>It was then that everything went disasterous.</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol lost it and skidded for fifty meters around in circles to the centre of the track.</p><p> </p><p>"That's a pirouette, that is, in ice dancing circles." Seungcheol remarked firmly, twisting the steering wheel around hard, the car only going where he wanted to put it.</p><p> </p><p>"This is rubbish." Jeonghan stated bluntly, watching on from where the film crews were set up.</p><p> </p><p>"Work a bit harder here, don't be lazy, come on!" Seungcheol told himself and the car as he made his way through Jeonghan's s's and swore to himself that if he was going to get brutally murdered by Joshua tonight he was going to go out with a bang in a luxury British motor car.</p><p> </p><p>What Seungcheol didn't notice as he went over what felt like a bump was a twelve-foot wide crack in the ice.</p><p> </p><p>"Come on, get in. Get in! Nose in!" Seungcheol shouted. "Give it some front-end grip now!"</p><p> </p><p>These s's were giving him the bloody gip if he was honest.</p><p> </p><p>"It's good!" Seungcheol sung as he took a "s" perfectly.</p><p> </p><p>"It's SHITE!" Seungcheol hollered as the next "s" went by fucking shocking.</p><p> </p><p>He could practically here Jeonghan's tutting in his head as though Jeonghan were beside him in the passenger seat.</p><p> </p><p>"All right!" Seungcheol cackled a laugh as he missed a gear and just ruined everything, straying into the centre of the track. </p><p> </p><p>"OH, YEAH! I WANT ONE OF THESE CARS!" Seungcheol yelled. "NO, WAIT, I WANT ONE OF THESE LAKES!!!" </p><p> </p><p>"The final sweeping bend." Seungcheol commentated. "They're looking, I know, for something elegant, they're looking for something pretty." He remarked of imaginary judges as there would be in the real Olympic games. "WOAH!" Seungcheol spun out at thirty-mile-an-hour and crashed nose first into a snow bank that was built by Jeonghan to protect the film crew.</p><p> </p><p>Joshua's really going to kill me, Seungcheol thought as he attempted to reverse the Jag out of the snow bank but then found he couldn't.</p><p> </p><p>Shit.</p><p> </p><p>"Jeonghan!" Seungcheol cheerfully said as he got out of the Jag and hoped that Jeonghan wasn't too concerned that he and the film crew would have died if it wasn't for the snow-bank.</p><p> </p><p>"Hello." Jeonghan answered.</p><p> </p><p>"I won!" Seungcheol threw his arms up into the air triumphantly.</p><p> </p><p>"What do you mean you won?" Jeonghan said, standing with his hands in his pockets.</p><p> </p><p>"I won!" Seungcheol announced once more.</p><p> </p><p>"No, come on," Jeonghan argued reasonably. "I went round there in two minutes, three seconds. You -" Jeonghan pointed at Seungcheol. "- Were thirty seconds behind when you crashed."</p><p> </p><p>A screamed filled up Seungcheol internally.</p><p> </p><p>"Look, ice-dancing is about racing against the clock." Seungcheol told Jeonghan as though he was explaining something to a little child. "It's about poise and deliacy and beauty and I did this so -" Jeonghan went to catch Seungcheol as he slipped on a bit of loose snow ground by the edge of the snow-bank, but, instead, Seungcheol crashed head-first into Jeonghan's knees and Jeonghan half fell over him, but, braced his hands on the boot of the Jaguar...with Seungcheol's head in his crotch.</p><p> </p><p>"I WAS MUCH MORE BEAUTIFUL THEN YOU WERE!" Seungcheol shouted as he and Jeonghan righted themselves as the film crew tried not to laugh on camera and ruin the shot.</p><p> </p><p>"Yes, but this is against the clock and it proves that four-wheel-drive has thrashed two-wheel-drive." Jeonghan told Seungcheol bluntly. "That's the end of it. That's my victory."</p><p> </p><p>Seungcheol groaned. "It's going dark, so we don't have anymore time to argue, ok? And, the thing is, what we have next. Since we haven't seen much of him yet, ladies and gentleman, in this series so far, Joshua Hong exclusively did a race with him." Seungcheol pointed to Jeonghan.</p><p> </p><p>"And as soon as we film it, you shall see it!" Jeonghan chipped in. </p><p> </p><p>"Now..." Seungcheol began.</p><p> </p><p>"But just before -" Jeonghan interrupted.</p><p> </p><p>"Go and get your Discovery," Seungcheol said to Jeonghan. "Because I need to pull this out." Jeonghan laughed.</p><p> </p><p>"But can I show you something first?" Jeonghan's eyes twinkled.</p><p> </p><p>"What?" Seungcheol remarked drily.</p><p> </p><p>"Since we were talking about Joshua Hong..." Jeonghan ambled over to the front of the Jaguar, hand wrapped around one of Seungcheol's elbows. "Your car's had it's teeth whitened." Jeonghan pointed to where snow had collected in the grills of the Jaguar.</p><p> </p><p>He and Seungcheol burst out laughing.</p>
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